To be real honest, the constant flashback is a torture even till today, there is still this unspoken hurt lurking in the amosphere. A legit time bomb.
The fear of looking through the cellphone and see “that-type” videos in the gallery or in the deleted folders or accidentally chanced upon some flirtatious text messages pains me every single moment.
I can forgive but I cannot forget. Sometimes I wonder how can I ever move on from all these nonsense. Perhaps, time can and will heal. I asked myself if there are any ways to heal better.
Initially, I thought… Moving on together with the girls involved as a collective partnership would heal but every single conversation that the girls shared, details of the explicit acts triggered the sleepless nights. Yes, being kind to others, I ended up hurting myself.
Even BFFs shared that I should NOT have forged such an unique relationship with them. Because its just weird. Boundaries need to be drawn, clearly. Furthermore they are the ones who had stepped in without knowing much details and ruined the whole relationship/ family. This is the time I ponder about karma and wonder how would I react if my daughters are on the same end as the girls. What would I do?
Who’s to be blamed? The guy? The girls? Me? I started to question and doubt not just myself but my own capability to build things, my businesses, my reputation, my family, everything else except I failed in my own marriage/ relationship.
I kind of realised that the best way to heal is to approach the fear in me instead of avoiding it. Confidence will always outwin assholes and anyone else hands down.
To deal with the girls, to approach them, to understand the truth, to fix this info within me. To bring up this topic at every possible moment to HIM despite every single flashbacks.
Because one day, the reactions will get smaller and smaller and one day, I will be able to move on from all these, including HIM.