Sometimes I think, motherhood tends to be a lonesome journey. I had been thinking alot recently and to a point, overthinks. I wonder if Life had changed my life better, or made me a better person. Somehow, it did.
I learnt to be more independent than the safe shelter of my parents. I learnt to fight and earn for what I want in Life without depending or rendering much help however every single me-time, I will overthink and this somehow made me depressed.
Parenthood had gained a lot of insights on things that don’t matter to another perspective that changes my outlook on life. I used to think leading a life, to go on holidays every single f* years, live in a condo and drive a better car would be something that I would be proud of and enjoyed. Till now, I realised, it’s not. The only achievement that I looked forward to is the faces of my children in glee and happiness and enjoyed life as it is. The time spent and the love that counts, matter the most. And the only thing I work for would be putting my kids’ first, the housing and education needs.
I had lost my sense of directions for the past few years especially within the last 12 months. Alot of people actually asked me – why I actually name this wordpress as hualaalaa instead to link back to myself – willynn or my insta; supermeowmee. To be frank, hualaalaa is more like an alter-ego (not that I am crazy and had a split personality but..), it’s more of a pen name that I will used to pen down my thoughts and depressing ones so I would prefer to keep it as a separate entity.
This blog is meant to keep the thoughts as memoirs.
4 more months to my next milestone. I’m torn between engaging the confinement lady or just getting the confinement food. Budgeting is important as the economy of scale had been stretched for now and I’m re-looking alot of things in life.
That sense of direction. 🙂 Hopefully I get that soon. 🙂